'I left my baby on a pretty blue train...'

Kunming in the morning

I woke up early today 7am. I had a nice luke warm shower, the only shower I've had since Simao half a month ago. 'What a luxe'! I packed my bag then we left. There were people selling food in the street everywhere since we stayed in a CHinese hotel for 40kwai altogether for our own room instead of staying at a hostel for 20kwai each to stay in a 8 bed room dorm. I bought some mantao which is Chinese steamed buns that are always for sale in the streets in the morning. I bought them filled with mushroom, vegetables and chicken, spicy-pickled vegetables and sweet bean-paste. I got some hot soy milk that the lady ladled out of a big pot into plastic bags for us to drink. It only cost 8 jiao(10 jiao/kwai or yuan or rmb) as compared to a tea i bought last night in a foreigner cafe for 6 kwai, which is less than a dollar but you can see the difference in price for foreigners and locals!! Last night we were in the foreigner part of town but I just wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, felt a bit sick but also it's my last time in China and the last thing I want is to talk to other foreigners. I won't be able to be completely surrounded by Chinese at home, listening to the language, watching the people... We went to a sports shop and I bought a new tent for 380 kwai, a hammock for 150kwai, a compass 8kwai and a set of cooking pots for 208kwai, a special bag for my mp3 and camera for 66kwai and a plastic waterproof bag 12kwai good for tree planting. Such good prices compared to at home, expensive for in China though. I'm really leaving China! I can't believe it! I don't like shopping in general though, it's annoying, tiring and irritating.

'I left my baby on a pretty blue train and I sang mý song to the cold and the rain... I've got the wandering blues...' -Be Good Tanyas


April 1st



I just made the train, it's moving now, right after I sat down and pulled out my journal. Alex and I said a quick good-bye and I'm glad that it was that way. I had tears running down my face while we hugged good-bye and the taxi drove me away. I waved good-bye from the taxi. The last thing that he said to me was 'Thank-you'. I had such a good time with Alex and Tchye. Suddenly, after a few months of being together for every moment of every day it's goodbye, in one single and surprising moment we were apart. I hope that I can meet him and Tchye again. Our goodbye was so fast, we were shopping and then I saw my watch and it was 11:30, I had to catch the 11:50 train in this city of 8 million people(maybe). I jumped through the garden and waved down a cab and was gone. So fast. Not thinking that these were our last moments together.

I want to thank you too Alex. I think that it's true that the society that you grow up in really affects the way that you think, even molding your mind. I think that although I think of myself as an original being who is trying to fight society's ways , really a lot of my thinking is rooted deeply to Canada, US and Britain. I'm not so wise or worldy like I would like to think. -Now the train is going through famland. I see the green grass, the rows of plants and the trees. Before I just saw the land, now I this land, my home. I know the feeling of the grass and soil under my feet, the bumps of the crops when I'm pushing my bicycle through them, the smell of the flowers, the vibrancy of the fuscia flowers that grow everywhere in the south, I know the feeling of the cool lake water against my naked skin. I remember the feeling of sleeping on soft hay, the bumpy dusty rock roads shooting dust into the air. The sound of the big blue commercial trucks driving by, their tires as big as me the drivers speeding as if it were a small toyota truck. I know the tracker vehicles with their noisy open air engines, belts spinning so fast that I thought they would break and wack me in the head. The 'Hellos' called at us from all angles of every street. The kids laughing and running when they saw Alex's bike and Tchye in the basket behind him.

I'll miss hearing Alex's big horn and telling him that I'm 'waiting for you' in imitation of our Chinese friends who said this in high pitched voices. I'll miss watching Tchye meet new friends in every household, village or city that we passed. A brave little girl, who went up to the biggest dogs to play. I'll miss putting her on the back of my bike saying 'Opa' and up she jumped. I'll miss seeing her little ears so alert and soft, moving around at every sound, standing on the top of her little black head. I'll miss holding her whole face in my hand, watching her jump out of the tent window like an Olympic athlete.

I'll miss Alex.

I want to cry so loudly but I am stuffed on a train with more than 100 people just on this cart. So I cry softly. Everything outside the train in the countryside reminds me of him and our time together.

Stone Park

The train went through the stone park. All of a sudden there were thousands of Stones everywhere as if a mountain had exploded and left millions and millions of jagged pieces of rock in the soil. They could be crystals growing for a unicorn's horn, jutting up out of the ground. Some are tall, s huge giant's foot next to a human, some are smaller the size of a cow. They're white and light grey, maybe limestone? next we passed mountains that jut tall and steep out of the ground, karst mountains they're called. We must be in Guanxi province now. My next visit to China I'll come here. There are lakes of bright green and slight fog outside near the mountain tops.